Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Why does letting go have to be so hard?

Well the papers are signed and I am officially no longer Sissy's Owner.
I cried all the way home.
I put in 4 years of my heart with Sissy.
We did a lot of work together from the ground.

Sissy would:
Walk ear to ear with me.
She would TROT ear to ear with me.
She would slow down with me from trot to TIPPY TOE!

(Sissy could of walked behing grama with a walker! 
That was how slow I could get her to walk.  
It was awesome!)

Sissy and I would go for walks all over the place.
Me leading and her walking next to me.

She liked to explore.

She loved adventure.
Nothing scared her.
Her couriosity would over power any fear she might of had.
Sissy would lunge by pointing in a direction.
We did so much lunge work in the round pen in the beginning.
Butting heads all the time, but I worked till I got it right!
All this with the help of my instructor "L" and a good friend.

Sissy loaded in any trailer available.
She even backed out of them.
She loved to go!

Sissy hated work!
We would fight for 20 minutes of each hours lesson.
Then when she gave in, she was a dream!
I was tired of the fight!

In my heart, I don't think I would of had those issues out on the trail, 
but I was never brave enough to find out.
(I am at fault there.)

Sissy gave in easily.
Her fight was never really anything to get worried about,
For the EXPERIENCED rider.
She never gave my friend an arguement,
but she always argued with me.

Then Sissy learned to break a lead rope.
Long as you were standing next to her, she was fine.
Left alone, she got bored.
She would just pop it and wander around.
Never running off.
She did it because she knew she could.

I was not up for it any more.
My spirit was broken!
Sissy was working her way to the glue factory:

Sissy picks up on new things almost instantaniously.
I always wanted to teach her tricks, 
(I figured she would be really good at it.)
but once again, I lacked the knowledge to do so.
She loved to carry things, 
Pick things up.
Help hubby with the tools when he worked in the pasture.

Sissy had a personality.
I could wrap my arms around her neck 
Sigh, and breath in all her horseyness.
She smelled so good!
(I have not found another horse the smells like her)

In Equine Language, my place would be like
a MOTEL 6.
Sissy's new home is like the Marriot!

and She is getting the TRAINING she needs!
And doing well at it too!
She has a forever home where she is.
She even has a stall and thinks that is just the cream of the crop!
L plans on using her for a lesson horse, 
Giving Sissy the opportunity to be a mommy!
"L" has about one foal every two years.
She then trains them and sells them to a good home.
AND they are very nice looking horses too.

When I went to my lesson yesterday:
L said that she  needed her round pen AND the arena the other day, 
and so the only other place to put Sissy was in a stall.
(She keeps new horses quarentined for 2 weeks, but since she knew me, and Sissy
she felt safe in moving her into the barn.)

So she leads Sissy into the barn. 
No big deal. Sissy had been inside buildings before.
When she got to the stall door, Sissy put on the brakes, and snorted!
Wide eyed and worried she stood there, and L said she
started to shake. 

L then realized Sissy had never been in a stall before. 
So she let Sissy look around, and talked to her till she calmed down.
Sissy then decided, "This might not be so bad" and
walked right in.
She now LOVES being in a stall!

I saw her after my lesson yesterday and she looks good.
She smelled my nose like she always does, and
moved closer so I could scratch her behind her ears.
She remembered me, 
but all to soon, she will forget. 
She will love her new owner, and respect her and do well for her.
I will fade from her memory till I no longer exisit.
Sissy has a wonderful home and an owner that will lover
her as I loved her.
This comforts my heart.

Letting go is not easy!
I know it had to be done. 
I had gone as far as I could with Sissy.
My heart breaks because I could not take her farther.

Sissy will be such a good riding partner one day.
I always thought it would be with me.
How wrong I was!


Laughing Orca Ranch said...

So sad for you. Reading this brought up so many memories with my mare, Baby Doll. Letting go is never easy for us humans, is it?
We are letting not only the beloved pet go, we are also saying goodbye to all the dreams, hopes and aspirations go, too.

I'm so sorry that you're having to say goodbye, but you do know that she is living in a great new home and will be well taken care of. That should bring you a little peace.


Karen V said...

I'm so sorry. It's hard to let them go EVER. I hope you find comfort in the fact that you know the new owner and that Sissy will be taken care of.


Dan said...

Why? Because they have a little piece of your heart. You'll heal. It will just take time. Be strong. Look forward!

Cactus Jack Splash said...

It is hard letting go, but when you are doing it for the best interest of your horse it is a bit easier. Sissy will not forget you,just like you will not forget is never forgotten.

Lois Evensen said...

oh, how bittersweet, but you documented the highs and lows so beautifully in words and pictures. Yes, it is so hard to let go.

Very best,

wilsonc said...

I'm with Cactus Jack here. I don't think Sissy will ever forget you. It's not like I have a huge amount of experience with this, but I do have some. Ever since we first bought our horses we have half-leased them to carefully hand picked young riders. These are girls who didn't have the opportunity to own their own horses but were in lessons and their abilities had progressed far beyond lesson horses. Boo has had two riders besides myself and Bay has had 3. Those girls all come back to see the horses when they get the chance and those horses KNOW those girls. It's amazing and heart-warming to watch. Hubby and I are their constants, but they remember and show affection to those girls that they don't show to other people at the barn.

Gail said...

It is sad and hard to make this choice but there is a reason.

allhorsestuff said...

Oh, I am so late and reading this . It does make my heart sad...but I saw that you now have a new adventure with such a cutie horse!

I do not think Sissy will ever forget you..and you will never either...but will grow with your next mare and thank Sissy for things in the future= that you are unaware of now!