So Much Changed

 The last post I see was back in 2021 when Rick was Diagnosed with cancer. It has a been a whorl wind ride. Our life was consumed with day to day living between radiation appointments, blood draws, chemo appointments, MRI's, PET scans,  and doctors telling us everything will be ok. It wasn't and I could see that. For awhile Rick did pretty good. Even got in a trip to Tennesee with his cousin on his three wheeler Harley he was forced to get because the doctor said his bones were weak and they were in fear of him fracturing any bones.  

His PSA numbers started to climb and they tried other Chemo types, and finally the last Chemo they said was going to be juiced up as they were going to hit it hard. Hard they did, because after 3 of the 6 sechduled treatments he said no more. It caused radical puking that he never got over. July of 2023 Rick faded away. Everyday I waited for the inevitable. Every day Rick slept more and more. When he slept he was out of pain, but when he was awake the pain, which was located in his hips was unbearable. He was on some powerful pain meds that did nothing to ease the pain. 

On July 29th, 2023 God finally took him home and out of this world that ended up in pain and sickness. He passed 2 days before our 48th wedding anniversary. We were together for 50 years. 50 years of ups and downs. Of love and disagreements. Of family life and raising 3 boys. Of grandkids that he cherished with his heart and enjoyed every minute of being around. 

Our eldest son and family had purchased a home and renovated a tiny house for use to live in. We down sized and sold or gave away a lot of things. I am glad that I am where I am because I have family close by.

Rick did not want to move. I know he liked it where we lived, but he also knew that I could not take care of the farm and him by myself either. So June 10th was the first night we spent in the new tiny house. 

I am able to have my pony's with me, and they have been my saving grace. They keep me going and offer up enjoyment. 

I am going to try once again to keep my blog up. For now, this is a shorten version of the last 3 years. It is almost coming upon a year in 9 days. I am going to try to keep busy and not think about it. I hate the feeling of dispair and I am not one to sit and cry all day. I want to look forward to life and live it to the fullest. I don't have Rick walking with me on earth, but I feel him in around me. In the dragonfly's that I see, the butterflys that flit about, the hawks flying overhead, and the breeze that gently move my chimes when there is not a speck of wind out. 

In the beginning I made videos of Rick in honor of him and his life. Feel free to go there and view them, I uploaded them to Youtube. 

Here is a link to the Video commemorating a year of when he left this earth. 

https://youtu.be/tLKXpHmTkJI

From here you can view the other views I have created. 

Till the 12th of Never!

5 Down, 1 to go!

5 rounds of chemo are in the books. The last week was pretty rough on Rick, and so I am glad the chemo is coming to an end. It hurts to see him dealing with the crap that comes with chemo. But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.... ONE MORE to go!

Doc is happy with the blood test results! This news is very encouraging. PSA is down to 21!!!! 

I think the hardest part about this journey is the loss of friends. People I cherished, and enjoyed have dropped off the radar. It is something I am really trying to understand, but no matter how much I think about them it still hurts!!!! This is really a time in life that friendship should mean more because the support of a friend helps weather the rough seas. 

Friends that have struck around, know that your check-ins mean the world to me!!! And to Rick!!!! Rick needs his friends just as much as I do.   Helps us to cope, which helps us deal with what life is dealing right now. 

I look forward to the days of near normalcy again. (If that will ever be a thing).  Days that cancer is not in the forefront. 

Bucket list or a Dream come true?

Fantastic Weekend!

All ready to go ride with the big kids!

Riding in front of all the big kids so they get use to us and not freak out. 

I don't have a bucket list per say, but I do have Dreams that I hope will come true one day.

I use to dream about riding horses in a competition. I think I was like 5 then. I learned you had to own a horse first. Santa Clause never did bring me a horse. I really doubted him from then on. 

As I grew older I wanted to ride horses with the other girls who had horses. I learned that girls who owned horses were.....well they just were......If you did not have a horse, you were not one of them, even if they owned a half a dozen horses. They did not like to share. I get it now, and totally understand why that is. 

A few years later life happened. Marriage and a family. Then I became a horse owner one day in my late 50's! WOW! After a lot of trial and error I accepted that this was also not the path for me.

Later on, a couple of Mini Ponies came into my life. Boy did those two rock my world. Time has creeped on and I have one that I have been concentrating my time on. CRICKET! That boy IS My WORLD! 

We have worked very hard to get to where we are today I have to give credit to my two Grandsons who have helped in this endeavor. 

This weekend was the weekend! Cricket and I got to ride with other gals and their horses! It didn't matter if were were the smallest. His big horse attitude more than makes up for any size he is lacking. 

I have to keep in mind that Cricket IS ONLY 4 years old so he does have a lot of learning yet to do, but he was a trooper for the weekend!  

I do believe that Cricket did some growing up during this time too. It was so good for him, and even better for me. I now feel confident enough to take a drive with him around the neighborhood. 

I am attempting to upload a video here and not sure that it will succeed. 

I don't know how long the trail ride was. I was hoping it was a mile. I think it was 5 miles and I know Cricket just knew it was 10 miles! We went up and down little hills, in a harvested wheat field, and trotted half way up a very large hill. He was a huffing and a puffing! I felt so bad for him that I got out of the cart half way up the hill and walked the rest of the way up the hill with him. The hill was so steep I was really worried about coming down it. But I found out that if I kept one of my cart wheels in the tumble weeds it had a bit of breaking power and did not push him down the hill and so we walked very nicely down that long steep hill!

At the turn around spot on the trail ride Cricket was tired of waiting for everyone to get going back, he decided to just lay down. I think he had the intention of rolling but the cart prevented that. Once he was down he did not quite know how to get out of his predicament! So I grabbed his head and helped him to his feet. (Thank you Linda for that advise) Then it is always good to have friends that take pictures first before attempting to help out. LOL I had him up before any help was needed though.

When your horse laughs at you....PRICELESS!

Neither of us were hurt and Cricket came thru this unscathed. 

We were horse tired when we got back to camp. Cricket was all jacked up. He ran with the big kids and he thought he was a big kid now. I had to feed him in the trailer, because he kept talking and yelling at anyone that walked by. I think he grew up a little bit this weekend. I know my horizons have expanded quite a bit.

This morning when I went out to feed I was sure that he would be a bit gimpy. Muscle sore? NOTHING! And here I am having a hard time getting up and down out of my chair. LOL

I look forward to a lot more rides with this young buck, and we shall grow together in our rides.

Very hard to take pictures when you drive. So I did not get to many. It was a lot of fun, and by next year, Cricket and I will be a pro!

 

I am DONE Adulting!

 

Oh what a day yesterday was.....

I don't even know where to start. 

First off I have a job. One that is driving me insane. Isn't a job suppose to be fun, challenging and exciting? Ummm....This one drags me down so far I have a hard time pulling myself up. It is not the paperwork, I love the "JOB" itself, but some people just don't know how to be good employers.

But that is ok, I am looking and praying, and I know God will hear me. 

I get home, and do my chores. Seems like I have so many chores these days. Never use to bother me and I looked forward to them, but my back issues hurt so bad at times, it brings me down to my knees. RELIEF is at my knees. Bent over with tears falling on the ground! 

Oh doctors won't do any thing. Been down that road. they just want to drug you up and send you home with exercises that makes my back hurt worse. I have degenerated disks. I need them fixed. I am to active!  

Then we go to town to do a bit of grocery shopping as I needed a few things. Well a few things ended up being $149.00 in just a few things. Gosh things have gotten so expensive! 

On the way home we stop at TACO BELL for dinner. I know....it is not really dinner, but at least it makes a turd. To begin with, I should of known things would go to shit in a hand basket soon. 

There was a sign on the door to use the OTHER DOOR pointing to the one that faces the highway. Umm how odd is that. So we go in and we place an order. I state I wanted a Steak Power bowl salad and a small nachos. The order taker immediate jumps on that wagon and said they don't have nachos. (I understand they are not called that but I could not read the menu so I just said forget it.) and just ordered the power bowl. "Is this to go or eat in?" she asked. "I said we will eat it here."

Rick places his order.

Our order was out right quick and so we sit down to eat. I hand Rick his order, and I pull out my delicious smelling steak salad. Ummmm...no fork to eat with. How Odd I thought. So I go up to the counter....

While I watch workers run around, and am being ignored, I wave my hand to catch the eye of one of the employees:

"Mam'am....."

She walks over to the counter and says, "Yes?"

I said: "Can I get a Fork Please?"

She looks at me funny and says, "A fork?" (Like it was a foreign object)

I said "Yes, I need something to eat my salad with."

(Here is the clincher!)

She said: "We do not have any forks. We only have knifes."

I was dumbfounded! I Said, "How am I to eat my salad?"

The only reply she had was, "We did not get any forks in our shipment this week, only knifes." and turned around and walked away!

It took me a minute to compose myself, walk back to the table, put our food back in the bag it was delivered to us in, and walk out the DOOR WE WERE NOT SUPPOSE TO USE, and went home to eat! 

YES....I AM DONE ADULTING FOR A FEW DAYS, Possibly weeks!

Shrinkage.......

 

We all know what this is. 

As we get older we are not as limber as we once were.

Most things shrink with age too. 

And our arms are one of them. 

So when it came time for a friend of ours to need some suppositories the ole arms were just not long enough to do the job. 

So in comes the:

THE SUPPOSITORY INSERTER!

Didn't know they made such a thing but glad to know that there is someone out there that invented this little gadget to help insert something up our ass!

It was a bit confusing, but the suppository got inserted. There is a little stopper on it, and since it was not known what position that stopper should be in, the suppository did not get inserted "ALL" the way in. But he figured out that it would melt and all would be fine.

Since he was in the kitchen, in his birthday suit, he figured that he would rub some CBD ointment on his hip that was aching pretty bad. Leaning on the counter kind of stretched the hip joint allowing for a bit of relief as he rubbed the ointment onto his hip area.

All of a sudden something triggered the mother of all sneezes. Out flew the suppository. It hits the floor and slides across the room.  Just as he turns around to see where it went,  in swooped his dog and ate up the suppository!

Now dogs have iron stomachs and a nose for ass. 

Not knowing really what to do he went off to work anyway.

Upon arrival of coming home, the dog met him at the door all happy like!

His PEZ dispenser had arrived! 

LOL