I had a dream once.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching.
And with that comes a lot of tears.
Yes my dream was to have a horse ever since I could remember.
April 14th, 2006
I realized that dream when I got Sissy.
But lately I have been doing a lot of soul searching too.
Because it has been over 3 years,
and I am not to the place I thought I would be at.
I keep telling myself that "Patience" is a virtue and that I will be rewarded.
At this point I can not see it.
It is me....
It is NOT my horse.
I have done a lot with Sissy.
From the GROUND!
She listens to me.
She will follow my lead.
Why, I can even get her to TIPPY TOE!
Yes, if we ever had to sneak into some place, Sissy could do it!
A year ago,
I got another horse to help to build my riding confidence.
That confidence was really shot down in the past week.
I took Sadie and Sissy to an obstical trail challenge.
I had no intention of riding Sissy through,
my goal was to walk her through it.
Expose her to different things.
She snorted at all the new smells.
Sissy is making it look easy, and the photos do not show
her acting up because in the background Sadie is Whinnying!
As well as she was.
She was being an unruly child!
See....3 feet from each other!
But yet, I can find one on each end of the pasture at different times.
A very good friend and prior owner of Sadie Rode her through the challenge.
It was not a good experience.
Sissy and Sadie are so buddy sour they could not get
10 feet from each other.
Whinny and carry on they did.
Neither of us had the soul attention of our horses.
I feel like I have ruined Sadie, because she never use to be like that.
Although, I AM ONE that DOES SPEND TIME with her horses!
I groom them!
Give them good scratches!
Talk to them!
Walk with them!
At times I feel that maybe I should just ignore them,
Don't pay any attention to them!
Never groom them!
Don't teach them any manners!
Never handle them!
Just sit and watch them play in the field, and run as a wild herd!
Because I can tell you, that is exactly what my neighbors philosophy is
and ONCE a year, THEY RIDE! And there is not even a rodeo!
Then a couple days later on a beautiful day,
I thought I would take Sadie for a walk down to the river.
(Because my goal is to be able to ride along the river.)
She did very well, with Sissy whinnying in the back ground till we were out of ear shot,
and on the sand.
When we got to the sand, something struck Sadie,
weather it was the smell of the water,
or the realization that Sissy was not around,
I am not sure.
Doing some back ups.
Totally alert, looking for something!
But run all over me she did.
I made her do circles,
lots of backing up.
30-40 minutes we worked on the sand.
Finally I did get her to calm down enough to be able to leave the beach.
I was tired, but it was a good tired.
No way would I of been able to ride her through that.
My riding skills are beginner level.
I do happen to be the only one in my neighborhood to
take my horses for a
My goal at this time in my life, was to be able to go out,
toss my saddle on my horse,
and take a short spin around the pasture.
I am not even looking at trail riding at this point!
JUST the pasture, and I would be happy!
I have a chance to take lessons with my favorite instructor,
but they are on Thursdays at 6 PM.
You know what the means?
IT IS DARK outside.
Go catch my horse in the dark.
Put other horse in round pen in the dark.
Load my horse in the dark.
Unload my horse in the dark.
I am not totally comfortable with that.
I am doing a lot of soul searching to see if I can see myself even riding my horse.
If not, then I need to find a home for her.
and this is where the tears come in.
I can not even fathom the idea of Sissy living anywhere else.
It tears my heart and guts up inside.
But her being a pasture pet, is totally out of the question.
So what do you with a horse,
because of your own self confidence level
you are not comfortable riding?
Am I selfish keeping her?
I don't know.
Can I find her a forever home?
I doubt it. (Nothing is guaranteed forever!)
Do I enjoy spending time with her?
Yes, very much so.
Can I have a second horse?
No, because Sissy corrupts them immediately.
With the winter coming on, and hay in the barn,
I think I will hibernate on it.
Maybe the spring time will bring a renewed
joy in my heart and courage that I will
need to work on my confidence level.